The ULTIMATE Weiss Fic!
by Rinny1
Summary: This just about sums it all up- You'll never have to read another Weiss fic again.


Disclaimer:  I do not own Weiss in any way, shape or form.  They have merely had periodical visits to my closet.  

Since I'm sorta dry on ideas for my other fic, "But, I Can't Help It!" I decided to just go nuts on a complete PWP.  This is an abridged version of just about every Weiss fic out there.  

Warnings:  PWP, yaoi, lemon, complete nonsensical insanity.

Other Notes:  If you have any suggestions for "But, I Can't Help It!" Please leave it in a review, okie? Danke. ^-^  

The ULTIMATE Weiss Fic!

*~*~*

Ken:  My lust for Omi is overflowing.  I must do something! *has way with Omi*

Omi: Oh… oh… Ken-kun!

Ken:  Wait, Omi!  I just realized this is wrong.  *runs away*

Omi:  No, Ken-kun!

Ken:  *on bed*  *remembers Kase*  *thinks about how he "raped" Omi* Oh, I'm a terrible person!  *sob, angst*

Aya:  *knocks on door*

Ken:  WAAHH!

Aya: *comes in* What's wrong?

Ken:  Aya?  Why are you acting so caring all of a sudden?

Aya:  Nevermind that.  What I am saying now will alleviate your worries.

Ken:  Oh, cool.

Aya:  By the way- *kiss*

Ken:  !! 

*they fall onto the bed*

[45 minutes later…]

Aya:  You've got it all mixed up, Ken.  I don't feel anything for you.  *leaves*

Ken:  NO!  WAH! *runs downstairs*  *runs outside*

Rain:  *falls heavily*

Ken:  *runs crying and screaming and sobbing*  NOBODY LOVES ME! *collapses in an alley somewhere*

Schuldich:  Hello, katzechen…

Ken:  Schwarz!

Schu:  *rapes and captures Ken*

Ken:  Wah…

Schuldich:  I brought you a present, Crawford-sama!  *salutes*

Crawford:  Oh, wonderful.  Brainwash him.

Ken:  *is brainwashed*  I hate Weiss!  *goes around punching things* ow…

Nagi:  Oh, no.  I have to tell Omi! *runs to tell Omi*  Omi, Schu took Ken and turned him against you!  
Omi:  Oh, no!  Ken-kun!

Schuldich: *follows Nagi* What are you up to, Katzechens?

Nagi&Omi: Meep!

Schuldich:  *takes them both back to headquarters*

[In the headquarters basement]

Omi: *is tortured*

[In Crawford's office]

Crawford:  You have betrayed Schwarz, Prodigy.  You must be punished.  Of course I love you with all my heart, but I'll punish you anyway.

Nagi:  *is tortured*

Schuldich:  *enters Yohji's dreams*

Yohji: *angst*

Schuldich:  *comes over, rapes Yohji, leaves*

Yohji:  I'm an idiot so I'm not going to tell anybody so nobody will be able to help me… 

Aya:  Hn.  I don't feel anything for Ken.  I don't feel anything for Ken.  I don't feel anything for Ken.  I'm not in denial.  *jacking off on bed*

Readers: ………………………

Crawford:  *lying drunk on couch*  Did I really do the right thing…? *swig*

Nagi:  *lying unconscious somewhere*

Pretty Girl With Little Clothing, Quick Wit And Sarcastic Tongue:  Hi, I'm here to join Weiss!

Manx:  There's no room for women in this fic.

PGWLCQWAST:  Oh well, I'm gonna come in anyway! *barges in*  Everybody LOVE ME!

Aya:  *zips up pants* I must go rescue my teammate!  *goes*

Yohji:  I must go rescue my teammate as well, even though I know I will be touched inappropriately in the process!  *goes*  Oh, I couldn't possibly feel anything for Schuldich, by the way.  

Aya:  I don't have an erection, either… not in denial… *saves Ken*

Yohji:  *saves Omi, albeit getting raped on the way* 

Omi:  *sees nagi*  NAGI!

Nagi: OMI!

Omi: NAGI!

Nagi: OMI!

Omi: NAGI!

Nagi: OMI!

Omi: NAGI!

Nagi: OMI!

Crawford:  SHUT UP, YOU TRAITOROUS DISTRACTIONS!  *fires up a storm*

Yohji: …eh, what the hey.  *saves Nagi too*

Farf:  *chases after Aya and Ken*  I WANT TO LICK YOUR WEAPONRY!

Schu:  *rapes Yohji again*

Crawford:  *chasing after Nagi*

Farf:  *jumps in the way* STOP HURTING THE LITTLE LAMB!  IT HELPS GOD!  *pounces Crawford and carries him away to play a game of some sort*

Yohji:  Hey, look, Omittchi!  Aya went chibi!

Aya: …..Shi-ne.

Omi:  Shouldn't you be angsting right now, Yohji-kun?  *checking Nagi hysterically for injuries*

Yohji:  Nah, I'm cool. *hides lack of well-being not-so-effectively*

Nagi:  *checking Omi hysterically for injuries*

Aya:  Make me normal size again!  Shi-ne, Takatori!

[Later]

Omi: Wow, Yohji-kun!  Coming to this dance club was a great idea!

Yohji:  *pretending not to angst, flirts with people of a sex he isn't particularly attracted to*

Nagi:  *cuddles close to Omi*

Aya:  *somehow normal size again*  *is in a dark corner with someone, who slumps down to the floor, probably dead*

Yohji:  Whoa, Aya… what's with your teeth?

Aya:  Hn.  *bites Yohji, ties him up and makes him into a sex slave*

Yohji:  Damnit.

Crawford:  *playing truth or dare*

Farf:  I DARE YOU TO COSPLAY AS ABYSSINIAN COSPLAYING AS HIS SISTER, THEN GO TO A NIGHT CLUB!  IN OTHER WORDS, HURT GOD A WHOLE LOT!

Crawford:  *glasses shatter* I should have seen this coming…

Nagi:  *angsting, being comforted by Omi*

Ken:  *angst angst angst*

Omi: *angst*

Nagi: *angst*

Yohji: *angst*

Aya: *having fun*

[bright flash of light]

Crawford:  Shi-ne.

Aya:  What is this?  I must have gotten distracted.  This is not possible!  *in bad native accent* Darn it!

Crawford:  Berserker! *jumps back, attempting to bare fangs*….?

Aya:  I somehow know that Abyssinian and I have mysteriously traded bodies.  We do not know the cause of this, but it shall be fixed… Now.

Crawford:  I really, really should have seen that coming…

Schuldich:  I can love you, Yohji!  Come with me!  
Yohji:  *indecision*

Aya:  How dare you touch my Yotan?  SHI-NE! *chases Schu off*

Schu:  *runs away screaming*

Yohji:  Wow, Aya… I had no idea you loved me so much.  Ya know, I think I might enjoy this.

Aya:  Me too.  Hn.

Omi:  Let's get married!  
Nagi: *smile*

Ken: KASEEEE!  How could I kill you, after you so miraculously survived some random AU war that happened fifty years ago?? *sob*

Farf:  *jumps in Ken's window*  Hi kitty.

Ken:  Meep!

Farf:  *grabs Ken and drags him down the hall*

Schu:  *shows up after having his way with Crawford*

Crawford:  *still wearing shattered glasses*  I WOULD have seen that coming…

Schu:  *drags Crawford down the hall as well*

*crashes are heard*

Omi:  Nagi love, what's that?  
Nagi:  Let's go see?

*they go*

*all arrive at Aya and Yohji's door*

All: O___________O

Yohji: Uh…. Hi.  Wanna join in?

All: ……………..ok.  *scramble to bed in a frenzy*

Persia:  White hunters of the night, why aren't you denying the dark beasts their tomorrows!?

All:  WE'RE BUSY!

**~Owari~**

….Phew… X.x  I am not making fun of **anyone** in this fic. ^_^  This is because all of these ideas were done by at least several hundred people.  The end. ^_^


End file.
